What Do You Think?

So, just curious what you all think about our new family portrait? It's at the very bottom of our blog. Check it out, let me know!

Nervous

Ever have a situation that makes you nervous? So nervous you could throw up?

Cancelling Internet

Sometimes, when life gives you new options, you have to do what you can to make it work. In order for me to stay home, we have to make a lot of sacrifices. We've made the decision to cancel our cable/internet. We have blackberry phones and receive email and facebook on our phones, plus I can do all banking needs on my phone too. How convenient. So, since we're stuck with the fancy pants phones for a while now, we may as well use them. On that note, my blogging will, if not come to a complete stop, slow down quite considerably. I am not very good at updating anyway, so I may as well just give it up for now. I will still be able to use the internet at friends and family's houses. But finding the time to go there is sometimes difficult. Anyway, just thought I'd give you a heads up. Sorry if I disappear for a while. If you need to get ahold of me, just send me an email. jeanneputnam@gmail.com

They Don't Call Me "Crazy Jeanne" For Nothing

I sorta feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know why? And I sure hope it passes...soon. But my brain is running a million miles per second and I can't make it stop. These things I'm "obsessed" about are out of my control at this point. I love when I do this to myself (did you note the sarcasm?--it's a flaw). A lot of times I feel like I experience these feelings so I can better empathize with other people who are also going crazy. And I'm good with that. It makes me feel more normal to know that someday, my craziness might help someone else. Afterall, I'm not so bad off anyway.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching this weekend. I'm not impressed. So, it's time to open a new chapter in my life. Things could go a lot better in a lot of areas. I've got a lengthy list of personal goals to work on. I've had that list for a long time. I've made great progress in the last 6 years, but I've had some setbacks, so now I feel like I'm farther behind than when I started (in some areas). So, here's to picking my chin(s) up and looking forward. I'm not going to let a few lost years ruin my spirits.

And because I am feeling pretty random....I really want to be a marriage and family counselor when I grow up. And the older I get, the more I want to do it. And the older I get...the harder it's going to be to accomplish. But that is a goal that will have to wait. I've got a lot more soul searching/repairing to do. And I've got one VERY, VERY important relationship to strengthen. Because right now it's pretty weak (and that's my fault!).

Patience

Our plans almost changed recently. I was offered a part time position at another branch a few miles farther away. I made my decision fairly quickly to decline the offer. As attractive as the offer sounded, we decided it wasn't the right path for our lives. And after sleeping on it, the next day I felt even more sure. So, plans remain the same and now everyone at work knows. Thankfully, they have all been very supportive.

I know I still have 9 weeks, but I can't wait to stay at home so I can get control over a few things in our lives. For starters...my house and Christian's 2 year old behavior issues. And then potty training will probably happen in the next year sometime too.

So, instead of struggling to have the faith that we are making the right choice, I struggle to have the patience to make it through the next 9 weeks. And I hesitate to ask for patience...who knows what might happen.

A Little of This and That

I feel like I have so much to say, but nothing to say all at the same time. I suppose we'll start where we left off and go from there. I apologize in advance for the length and possible choppiness of this post. I'm using it as therapy today.

I am feeling much better since our miscarriage. Life seems bearable again and I feel like we're getting back into our normal routine. We've been instructed to try to wait a couple of months before getting pregnant again, but hopefully we will be able to have a baby soon.

I was so out of sorts the past few weeks. I just went through the motions of life because I had to. Nothing extra was accomplished and I just got lazy. So, now, I have to play catch up and I just don't feel like it. My free time for the next few months will be spent completely rearranging our tiny condo. I have to make it work. I think I'm going to do one room at a time. I'll take everything out and sort it and start to purge anything unnecessary. Then I'll have a clean slate to work with as I start to put the room all back together. The kitchen and our bedroom are the hardest. We just "need" more than we have space. And as our family grows...it will become more tight. But right now we're stuck here. And I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads. Does anyone know how to organize a small closet? We aren't utilizing our space efficiently. (If only I could get rid of my wedding dress...but Dave won't let me.)

Anyway, enough about our small quarters. We've been able to relax and have a good time lately, also. We've spent a lot of time at the park, picnicking, at the zoo, at the pool, going out to eat, and enjoying our family and friends. How do we fit it all in? I never used to have a love for summer until we had Christian. He is SO happy outside in the sunshine. It just makes me happy to see him so happy. He could stay outside all day if I let him. Unfortunately, I have such fair skin that I have to be ultra careful and so Christian doesn't get to be outside for too long at a time. But I think it's enough to make him happy. I can't wait for next summer when he's a little older and can do even more.

This last week, Dave and I had the same day off. We try to coordinate our schedules to not have that happen, but sometimes it just does. This time, we saw it as a blessing. A time to spend together. We had plans to go to the temple in the morning, but for some reason I couldn't find my recommend. I tore the house apart looking everywhere for it. I've never misplaced it in the past and I was very, very bummed. We had been looking forward to attending the temple all week. We didn't find it for 2 days. Someone (think small person) lodged it behind/under the couch. (Maybe it's good we have a small house....less places to lose things.) I have never been so happy to find a piece of paper in my life. I hope we can go next week. I will never misplace my temple recommend again. I hated not knowing where it was.

As I mentioned in my last post, Dave and I have decided it is time for me to stay home with Christian. The decision was not an easy one for me to make. I agonized over when (not if) to quit for quite some time. I struggled (and still do a little) to have the faith to make the right choice. It will be hard to be at home everyday. And it will be hard to cut our income in half. I'm not sure, yet, how it will all work out, but I know it will. We might struggle, but I know our needs will be met. We have also decided that I need to quit sooner than our original plan. I struggled to feel comfortable with our December time frame. As for right now, unless something big happens, I am planning my last day at FirstBank to be Oct 30. I have worked there over 7 years now and I will miss it, but I know Christian (and our future children) will benefit from me being home. I just pray to have the faith that it will all work for our benefit.

This month brings Christian's 2nd birthday (19th) and our 6th wedding anniversary (30th). For some reason I just haven't thought about it much and have nothing planned. Any ideas?? I am at a loss what to buy a 2 year old boy. I suppose I'll wander around Target and see what jumps out at me. Thankfully he has no idea what his birthday is and it won't matter when we celebrate a week late.

I am now officially a member of a book group. Our first book is Twilight. I've never read the books or seen the movie and I've really been enjoying it so far. We are finishing the book this week and watching the movie. I can't believe that I'm enjoying it so much. I never thought I'd like it. Here's to trying new things. And our next series...Harry Potter. I can't believe I actually want to read it. I must not be feeling right. So, if you ever read a great book (nothing religious) please let me know. We'll need some suggestions to keep this group going. And who doesn't love an excuse to get together with girl friends and eat and talk?

The Good, The Bad and The Really Ugly

Well...I guess I'll post my big announcement. Dave and I have decided it is time for me to stay home with Christian. So, next year I'm going to quit my job and stay home. I can't wait to try out the stay at home mom thing for a little while.

Now for the other, not nearly as exciting, news. Dave and I discovered we were pregnant a few weeks ago. However, I had a miscarriage last night. I'm doing ok, but still in some pain today. We are just trying to rest and take it easy for a couple days.

I guess my blog can't be all warm and fuzzy.