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I love, love, love my job (most days). For the past couple months I have been filling in where needed in a couple different departments. I feel like I am really starting to become a lot more useful. I love that feeling! I love the challenge of learning new things while still having my same old boring job. I didn't originally want to transfer to my current location, but I figure if I have to work there I may as well enjoy it and I may as well learn something while I still have the opportunity.

This is where the dilemma comes in. There is always a dilemma isn't there? There is an assistant supervisor position available right now. I keep telling myself I don't want the job. I like being the "fill-in" girl. I like knowing how to do the job and being able to do it well, but not have the responsibility to do it everyday. But on the other hand I really enjoy the job. I can go back and forth in my mind several times per day. Most people say to put my name in for the position. If I don't get it then it's no big deal because I can still be "fill-in" girl. But if I do get it then I would easily transition into the job because I have already been trained and taken all the classes. Oh..and I would get a raise.

My side of the story goes a little something like this. Not many months ago I was promoted to be assistant supervisor and I joyfully accepted my new job. But then I was always stressed that I wasn't doing everything perfectly and I stressed myself into sickness. I was rushed to the ER 2 times in a matter of 3 months for serious health problems. I have nightmares of that happening again. I don't want to put myself in that situation again. I first and foremost need to be able to care for my family. And if I am sick all the time I can't do that. So, it's not that I can't do the job, because I can..and I know I like it, but I fear I will stress myself out (because that is what I do best) and not be able to do the job. Besides, I don't think I could take the rejection. Isn't that always in the back of the mind or is it just me?

I don't have an unlimited amount of time to make my decision. I really need to decide and decide now. Maybe I'll use General Conference as a time to reflect and be closer to the spirit to help me make my decision. The more I think about it and pray about it and say I'm not going to do it the more I don't feel easy inside. I have been going back and forth for 3 weeks now. That's a long time to make a simple decision. ACK! I just don't want to set myself up for disaster.

Out on a Limb

I am going to take a risk in announcing this, but it's official. I am baby hungry. Very baby hungry. What do I do?? Christian is now 13 months and I already want another one. Isn't it too soon? We always thought we'd wait until he was 18 months before even thinking about it, but I think about it, dream about it, talk to other new moms about it. Is this normal? Am I nuts? I don't know what to do. Should we "try" or wait? How soon is too soon? How long is too long? How will I know when it's the right time to have another? It's a miracle I function throughout the day. It's on my mind all the time. It's official! I am very, very baby hungry. Help! We can't have another baby until we can afford for me to stay home. Or at least work part time. I can't afford 2 kids in daycare...we can barely afford the one. I have to come up with a distraction. I need to keep myself busy. I know! (This is where the light bulb goes on.) I will do everything in my power to prepare ourselves to have another baby. Then I will always feel like I am working towards my goal. And we will soon be able to have another baby. It's officail! I'm nuts!

I Got Nothing

Well, it's been a little while since I posted last, but I don't have anything to blog about. Where does everyone come up with all their fun posts? There isn't much going on this side of the computer and I don't even have a profound thought to share. You'd think I'd have something. But I've got nothing. What do I think about all day? I do have to admit it's a nice change of pace.

Picking Up the Pieces

I kinda fell off the face of the planet for a couple weeks. My computer was being serviced and it took forever! But anyway, I just thought I'd give a little update on everything that has been going on. I've been trying to be positive in all that I do, but that takes a lot of work and I'm so tired of being "happy" all the time. I'm not miserable or anything like that I'm just not overly happy like people usually think I am. I've been going about my usual day to day activities, but everything is just so blah lately. I've been trying to go out and do things and just relax and have fun and enjoy my little boy to keep my mind off of reality. But eventually I have to deal with reality...so here I am picking up the pieces. I can't leave a mess forever, eventually I need to clean it up. So, some day I'll figure out how to control my anger (which has not been happening lately) and be the loving, caring, supportive wife that I know I really am. I have felt like a really bad wife lately. I haven't been loving, caring or supportive this last month. Time to come back to reality...live life to it's fullest and make the best lemonade possible out of the rotten lemons I've been delivered. It could be a lot worse...so in that way..I'm lucky! I know I'm being watched out for and I know that if I try my best....and actually try my best...I'll be A-Ok.

So, anyway, we're still alive here in Denver..and relatively happy in not-so-happy times. What more can we really ask for. We really have a lot and I shouldn't complain.

Falling Apart

We all have our ups and downs in life. So why am I always SO surprised when things don't always go the way I want them to? Why am I still trying to maintain that perfect control over the family and all we choose to do? Why don't I just roll with the punches with a graceful ease? I guess because I am human.

Life always throws things at you just so you don't get too comfortable. It seems lately that I've spent most of my time focusing on the bad and not enough on the good. Just the other day I was asking myself why the bad stuff always happens to me. What on earth can I do for a little break. Within seconds my thoughts turned to the day I found out I was finally going to have a baby. The day I got to see the heartbeat on the ultrasound. The day I found out I was having a boy. The day my little boy was born after trying for 3 years to get him here. Then I thought about the day I was sealed to my husband for time and all eternity in the Denver temple. And I thought about my very first time in the temple. And I thought all the way back to my baptism and why I was SO very excited to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My life is not bad. Sure I have encountered a few speed bumps and road blocks. I've even taken a few detours. But somehow, I always get back to where I need to be and really...life is good!

Right now our little family is struggling..but pulling together. We'll make it through just fine. Sure we have our moments, but who doesn't? We'll work hard and with a little help (okay, maybe a lot) we will make it through stronger than we were before. After all...this journey was never intended to be easy.

So, as I sat in my room sulking wondering what was wrong with me and why does everything have to happen at once, I realized that it wasn't all bad. And really...it could be a lot worse. And so I sang myself to sleep with a favorite hymn "Count Your Blessings". Sometimes instead of counting sheep to go to sleep I count my blessings. It usually leads me into a nice deep sleep and pleasant dreams. Life isn't perfect, but it's not so bad either.

Here's to optimism! And the happiness it brings.

Staples

Today was Dave's 2nd day on the job as a Store Manager. They are setting up a brand new store with all the shelving and auto parts. This morning Dave had a shelving upright fall on his head. It left a 2 1/2" cut that sent him to the ER for a few hours. He ended up getting 6 staples holding his head together. Thankfully they didn't have to shave any of his hair (he's trying to hang onto all of it that he can).




So, in a week or so he gets to have the staples removed. Sounds painful to me.

Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

Ever soaked in so much information in one day that it made your brain hurt? I sure hope I can remember everything I have learned today. I almost feel like I am in school again (minus the homework *phew*). There is SO much paperwork to be done on top of the other things I do. I love the challenge. Who knew banking could be so exciting? Okay, it's not really that exciting, but I sure do enjoy my job. I'm getting used to my new branch and I really think keeping myself busy is the key to happiness (and faster days). I enjoy learning a variety of new things about bank operations and I am glad they can count on me to learn new tasks quickly so I can help out in more areas. I just want to keep the customer contact. My job wouldn't be fun with out all the people I get to see on a daily basis. Anyway, I just think it is interesting that I didn't want to transfer, but it has turned out okay. I am glad they believe in my abilities even though I was searching for my boring job back. I guess when doors are opened for you you should take the opportunity to walk through them. Who knows when/if they will be opened for you again.