I'm Still Alive

Recenty I have been going through a very rough time in my life. I've been up and down and all around with depression and anxiety. As I have been going day to day, barely hanging on some days, I had decided I was beyond help. Apparently I have not gone unnoticed. After a few phone calls from certain people and an appointment with the bishop, I have decided that maybe, just maybe I am not beyond help. I am sorry to those I have drug through the dark depths of my own personal hell. I realize that I have been more than just a little stubborn these past months. And even though I thought all along I didn't want any help, I was truly screaming out for help from anybody. I was praying that some day I just might make it through this still alive. I have said and done some pretty horrible things to those that I love the most (namely my husband, Dave). I know that right now I am still in the thick of things. I started to take medication, but then took myself off of it cold turkey. That of course made things WAY worse for all of us. I have refused to go to counseling or talk to anybody about my problems. Only in the past several days have I started to open up to my closest friends about how deep i really am in horrible depression. Maybe my prayers were answered by being asked to talk with the bishop. But I really think it was the prayers of my friends and family that inspired him to call us in for an appointment. No matter how it happened, it happened and I am almost grateful it did. It is still a little too soon for me to know if I really am ready to get the help we all know I need. I know none of this really makes much sense, but the way I see it--nobody will actually read it anyway, so it doesn't need to make sense.

I am still trying to work things through in my crazy brain. I have a lot of things that need to be fixed because I was too depressed to see that I was destroying the most important parts of my life ever so slowly. So, as I go through the next 3 months I hope that I will be able to become a new person. Or the old me would work just fine too. And if you are lucky...I might keep posting blogs from time to time. I hope it can become a habit for me. Anyway, Until next time!

Just a little sumthn sumthn

So, I was thinking that maybe, just maybe I might have something to say by now. But apparently I am not as creative as I thought I was. Nothing exciting has really happened in my life lately. It seems I live an overly ordinary life. I have a good husband and great friends. I work, my husband works and goes to school and we have a dog. You really can't get much more ordinary than that. I hope that over the next few months I will be able to post often and let my mind wander. I intend to let this site be a journal of sorts. I hope that some of my crazy friends (who might think they are normal...but they're not) might respond to some of my crazy thoughts and let me know some of their own thoughts too. Let's all embrace our craziness together...haha! Really, I just needed a way to get myself to get my thoughts out of my brain and onto paper. I don't want this to turn into therapy. Well...........until later!

The Beginning of It All

So, I thought I might jump on the bandwagon and try out this blogging thing. I don't have anything to say right now, but hopefully I will come up with something crazy enough to post in the near future.