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I love, love, love my job (most days). For the past couple months I have been filling in where needed in a couple different departments. I feel like I am really starting to become a lot more useful. I love that feeling! I love the challenge of learning new things while still having my same old boring job. I didn't originally want to transfer to my current location, but I figure if I have to work there I may as well enjoy it and I may as well learn something while I still have the opportunity.

This is where the dilemma comes in. There is always a dilemma isn't there? There is an assistant supervisor position available right now. I keep telling myself I don't want the job. I like being the "fill-in" girl. I like knowing how to do the job and being able to do it well, but not have the responsibility to do it everyday. But on the other hand I really enjoy the job. I can go back and forth in my mind several times per day. Most people say to put my name in for the position. If I don't get it then it's no big deal because I can still be "fill-in" girl. But if I do get it then I would easily transition into the job because I have already been trained and taken all the classes. Oh..and I would get a raise.

My side of the story goes a little something like this. Not many months ago I was promoted to be assistant supervisor and I joyfully accepted my new job. But then I was always stressed that I wasn't doing everything perfectly and I stressed myself into sickness. I was rushed to the ER 2 times in a matter of 3 months for serious health problems. I have nightmares of that happening again. I don't want to put myself in that situation again. I first and foremost need to be able to care for my family. And if I am sick all the time I can't do that. So, it's not that I can't do the job, because I can..and I know I like it, but I fear I will stress myself out (because that is what I do best) and not be able to do the job. Besides, I don't think I could take the rejection. Isn't that always in the back of the mind or is it just me?

I don't have an unlimited amount of time to make my decision. I really need to decide and decide now. Maybe I'll use General Conference as a time to reflect and be closer to the spirit to help me make my decision. The more I think about it and pray about it and say I'm not going to do it the more I don't feel easy inside. I have been going back and forth for 3 weeks now. That's a long time to make a simple decision. ACK! I just don't want to set myself up for disaster.